So today at the Con, Saturday, was my day to spend with Baby Shrek and Mini Lightning McQueen (hereafter “MLMcQ”). We set out at mid-day to avoid crowds trying to mob Baby Shrek for autographs or earwax candles. It was a good idea. Saturday is notoriously the most crowded, crazy day at Comic Con. This year was no exception. Crowds were heavy and thick, and not everyone remembered to wear deodorant (or, for that matter, not everyone remembered to NOT STAB ANYONE).
Baby Shrek, MLMcQ, their two assistants and I headed to the Con with one thing in mind: Find Baby Fiona.
We were optimistic. How hard can it be, in a sea of 140,000 people, to find Baby Fiona? We put the word out on the street.
Shadow Storm Trooper? Forgive me, but have you seen Baby Fiona? Shadow Storm Trooper was silent.
Batman. Batman, surely you might know where my beloved Baby Fiona might be? Batman?
“Ooooh!! Baby Shrek!!” The piercing cries of bedazzled young ladies sliced through the crowd. Baby Shrek rolled his eyes. “Groupies,” sighed he, “They are so annoying~” And with a shrug of the shoulders, Baby Shrek gave them what they wanted: a new profile picture for their Match.com accounts.
Baby Shrek and MLMcQ soldiered on, and thought to ask for help from another Batman contingent. This time, surely, Robin might have some answers? “Robin,” MLMcQ asked, “Can you help us find Baby Fiona? Baby Shrek needs to find her right away.”
“Listen kid. If you’re having problems with your storyline, go find Bill Finger. I can’t help you. I’m busy trying to find the girl who was here yesterday wearing nothing but Batman underwear.”
And with that, MLMcQ and Baby Shrek continued their search.
“Superman, with your X-ray vision and super-human hearing, can you tell us if Baby Fiona is close?” asked Baby Shrek. “I’ll bet my magic lasso she’s close,” replied Wonder Woman, “And if I’m wrong I’ll take you in a flight over the main floor at Comic Con in my invisible jet!”
“What a deal!” thought the duo.
Rounding a corner, MLMcQ gasped. “Do you see what I see?” he breathed. “Yes,” exhaled Baby Shrek, “And can you smell what he’s cooking?”
“Dear Sir, I mean ‘Your Highness’, I mean, Yes, Sir, Colonel Sanders, Sir. May we ask you a question?” asked MLMCQ timidly. Colonel Sanders nodded. “Have you seen Baby Fiona?” he asked. Colonel Sanders nodded. “Where is she?” MLMcQ asked. Colonel Sanders nodded. “Colonel Sanders, SIR! Please! We need to find Baby Fiona!” Colonel Sanders nodded, smiling. Baby Shrek stepped behind Colonel Sanders and screamed, “Colonel Sanders just cut a fart!” Colonel Sanders nodded and smiled. “He can’t hear you,” Baby Shrek explained to MLMcQ, “He’s deaf as a doornail.”
MLMcQ and Baby Shrek ambled through the crowded aisles of Comic Con. “Baby Fiona? Baby Fiona, where are you?”
“RRRRGHHHH!!!!! Get out of my booth!!!! You’re from the wrong movie!! You’re in Star Wars territory now!!!! Move it or lose it, you mutant frog!”
“Mutant frog?! Sir, I take offense. I am sorry if we stepped into the wrong neighborhood, but I assure you, it was a mistake. I am in search of my beloved. My pint-sized Fiona. I don’t mean to offend you. It was a mistake. Surely you can understand a quest of true love?” stammered Baby Shrek.
With a grunt and a hiss, the Sith shoved them down the aisle. MLMcQ and Shrek landed in a heap. They got up, dusted themselves off, and found themselves right in front of…
“Wow,” remarked MLMcQ, “You guys look like you could be brothers!”
“Observant you are,” noted the older, craggier one, “Strong is the force in you. What is it you seek?”
“I need to find Baby Fiona, sir,” beseeched Baby Shrek, “It’s awfully crowded here, and we are having a hard time locating her.”
“That is why you fail,” explained Yoda, “You must follow the silence of the flowing stream. You will find only what you bring in. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose!”
Baby Shrek and MLMcQ exchanged a long, hard look. They turned to Yoda and…
TO BE CONTINUED!